Chong Ming, a 26-year-old woman, described her grandmother as a "typical traditional Chinese housewife. "My definition of a traditional housewife is that she always treats her husband and kids much better than herself," the young woman added.
"My grandma never worked after her marriage," Chong said. "But she was even busier than career women because she first brought up both of her own children, as well as those of her sister, and then took care of the grandchildren as well.
"She seemed to be born to be a good and kind housewife," she continued. "I have never heard her complain."
When Chong was a child, she was brought up by her grandma because her mother was too busy with her job.
Every traditional festival, such as the Lantern Festival or Dragon Boat Festival, would be a day of great happiness for her, because then her grandma Fang Mei would prepare various snacks such as dumplings, zongzi (steamed rice wrapped in fragrant leaves) and other traditional desserts, whichever were most appropriate to the festival in question. All these delicacies were made by herself.
In the summer, Chong's grandma would offer her gherkins which had been salted over the winter. Every morning, she would prepare hot fresh porridge. For the Spring Festival, it was her task to prepare the banquet for the whole of her large family, until she became too old to do that all by herself.
"But my mother, who is not so concerned with these housework skills, has never done any of this," Chong said.
In her memory, her grandma was always busy with housework from early morning. Only in the afternoon would she sit down, light a cigarette and watch over her grandchildren as they did their homework. On other occasions she played mahjong with neighbours, who were also life-long housewives.
Even when she was not in good health and lived in the hospital, she was still worried about whether her house was clean or not. "My old man doesn't know how to keep the home clean and tidy, he always throws newspapers around here and there," she complained.
During her whole life, Chong's grandma never travelled far. As with most housewives of her age, her centre was the home and the nearby market.
"But I don't know if she was satisfied to be a housewife or not, no one asked her this question and she also never mentioned it," Chong said. "What I am sure is that I myself will never be such a devoted housewife as my grandmother."
A "MATCHES and Hatches" ad carried in the Shanghai Times recently attracted many people's eyes: a beautiful Shanghai woman, aged 23, with a double degree (Administration and Economics), declared that she was looking for a successful man to be her husband.
Her ideal partner would be a successful man with "millions of yuan in capital and a good career".
The woman, named Chris, said she was a woman devoted to love and family. Finding a rich husband was the one crucial step to success for her and she wasn't prepared to waste time and energy on anything else.
"I may continue to work or study, but I would first respect my husband's plan. I would take my family to be the centre of my future life," said the woman to the newspaper.
Chris' declaration was just like a stone thrown into the lake. "She now feels great pressure after we carried her story," said Lu Weihua, the editor of the paper, "because some feedback didn't support her plan."
With Chris' education background and ability, it would not be difficult for her to support herself, but she wishes instead to find a rich man to provide for her, offering what she sees as a safer and steadier life without economic anxieties.
As a good-looking, smart and pure woman, she considers herself to be highly advantaged in the competition to become the wife of a powerful man. She has also trained herself to meet the standards of a graceful, understanding, good-tempered and virtuous wife.
"In modern society, who is unwilling to marry a successful husband? Everyone wants to do this, it is just that she dares to admit it," said a young woman who asked to remain unnamed. "If my husband earned enough to support the family, I would also want to be a housewife and I would not work for money but only for personal satisfaction."
Knowing and agreeing with the old saying "to control a man's heart one should first control his appetite", Chris has studied cooking. She said she could prepare a banquet by herself.
In addition, she learned the accordion for six years, ballet for one year, painting for three years, got two degrees at university, all as part of her meticulous preparation for marriage.
Up to now, she is still a "blank paper", never having fallen in love with any man. "I wish to be a pure bride for my husband," she said.
(Shanghai Star March 9, 2004)
