In 1995 luck came my way. I entered Anhui Normal University and, at the first class meeting, met Wang Fang, a girl in a green blouse, whose limpid eyes and sweetly shy smile instantly stole my heart. To a boy from the countryside, this city girl seemed to me the essence of beauty, charm and sophistication. It was this great difference in our backgrounds that initially forced me to suppress my feelings for her.
The first part of Chinese college life is military training. In September, the sun bore down on us mercilessly as we stood to attention, marched, and learnt our drills. It was so tedious! Fortunately, Wang Fang was in the same group as me, so I could be near her at all times. One day at target practice, Wang Fang was next to me, and I neglected my practice, preferring to gaze at her. I was so absorbed that I didn't hear our sergeant's approach until he stood right over me. As a punishment I was made to stand to attention for one hour. Wang Fang realized what had happened and glimpsed at me, shyly. I congratulated myself: she had noticed me!
One month of military training passed, and then we began classes. As I was elected monitor, I had the right to nominate cadres, so, after the due election process, Wang Fang became my vice monitor. From then on, I asked her to accompany me on all my duties. She was very obedient and seldom complained. It seemed that in her eyes, I was a considerate boy who behaved like an adult, and to me she was a young girl, naive but lovely!
As all Chinese students know, high school is a time of stress and pressure, but on entering college, things ease off, and there is time for other pursuits previously out of the question, like traveling, going to the cinema, and of course, falling in love. The latter was particularly the case in our class, where there were several beautiful girls, who were soon courted by the boys that admired them. Only Wang Fang was left. She was also regarded as a pretty girl, and I knew that some of the boys liked her, but they made no move towards her because they knew that I wanted her!
When I eventually expressed my feelings for her, she seemed at a loss, and a little frightened. She said that she regarded me only as her elder brother. So I was rejected, but felt little sadness, because at least she liked me a little. An innocent girl, she knew nothing of emotions at that time, and I was unwilling to impose my will on her. I told her I would wait, and that we should carry on as best of friends. For a long time things went as usual on the surface, but deep in our hearts was a special, secret feeling that we could see reflected in each other's eyes.
January 25th, 1996, was a memorable night. It was the day before I went home for Spring Festival. I made an excuse to meet Wang Fang near the lakeside, and handed her a note on which was written: Tomorrow I'm going home, and I would like you to come with me to the cinema tonight. Will you? As soon as she read it, she blushed, and lowered her head, saying nothing. I was so afraid she might refuse me, what would I do then? Then she asked, "What time shall we go?" I couldn't believe my ears, and had to ask her to repeat what she had just said. I was once more rewarded by her sweet smile.
Looking back, I can't remember which cinema we went to or what film we saw. All I do remember is that on leaving the cinema and heading back to school we didn't go directly to the dormitory, but to the mountain at the back of the campus.
There was a full moon, and it was a little cold. We talked for a long time, about our childhood, middle school life and family members. We were so involved in conversation that we got locked out of the dormitory. I put my jacket around her shoulders, and she protested, saying, "Aren't you cold?" and not believing my response, "Not a bit!" shared the jacket with me. I took advantage of this opportunity to hold her tightly, and she didn't resist.
The winter vacation seemed interminable. I was so anxious to see Wang Fang that I couldn't wait for the term to begin and went back to school ahead of time! Soon we became inseparable and everyone knew that we were in love. The school was near to her home, so she went home for lunch. I would meet her outside her house every day, no matter what the weather. At the weekend we went mountain climbing, shopping, boating and to the cinema. At other times we studied together. Life was bliss!
In our third year, however, we suffered great pain. One day I went to meet her at her house as usual, and someone called Wang Fang's name. It was her mother, and my heart sank. Her mother didn't know about our relationship, and would certainly be against it, probably because of my rural background, and also because she didn't think college students should fall in love. Anyway, from that time onwards she forbade Wang Fang to see me. As an obedient daughter, she did as she was told. I was desolate, but there was nothing I could do. She was also unhappy. I didn't see her smile for a long time.
After two months I could no longer go on this way. On hearing she was to take a trip to Caishiji, a scenic spot on Ma'an Mountain, I decided I would go myself and see whether or not she would continue to ignore me. The day she arrived at the entrance to this scenic spot, I was waiting for her. When she saw me her eyes filled and she threw herself into my arms crying, "I love you, I can't leave you!"
We became loving sweethearts once more, right through until the eve of graduation. Then things became worse than ever before. She became a teacher at our alma mater, and in order to stay with her I looked for a job at another university. She was with me at my meeting with the director, who seemed happy with my application, and asked me to sign a contract the following day. It looked like everything would work out, but the next day the director refused me without any explanation. Later I discovered he was a friend of Wang Fang's father. I couldn't believe my misfortune, and suffered agonies of disappointment. Wang Fang's parents forced her to stay at home, and she had to comply. She told me that although she loved me, she couldn't violate her parents' will. I tried to dissuade her, but in vain. In order that she could live in a stress-free environment I chose to leave. Then it really was all over.
Although in the end Wang Fang left me, I am still grateful for the happy times we shared. Four years have gone by, and things have changed dramatically. But one thing is for sure: my magic memories will last forever!
(China Today April 29, 2003)
